Fuck Sarah Palin ‘cause it would freak her out forever
Marry Mitt Romney and then proceed to make it impossible for him to ever gain power again by being Truly Outrageous, then spend all his money on cool shit after I murder him in his sleep (oops cheating I don’t care)
marry V. We’re going to be old crazy ladies together we’ll just be crazy ladies together, in some sort of Oberyn Martell/Ellaria Sand situation, where she does dudes and I do ladies, I guess.
Sorry Chris, I love you but I don’t think either of us wants to do the other so you’re getting murdered instead. I’ll do it by poisoning your milk, after you’ve eaten some salmon and attended a linguistics conference so hopefully your last day is pretty okay.
Alright, fuck Brienne, very enthusiastically. Whisper all sorts of good/reassuring things to her afterwards when we’re cuddling. Then hopefully she’ll go out into the world with a refreshed sense of self worth, or at least a bit of afterglow. Girl has issues.
Marry Hannah Hart, because she has her shit together, and we both like food and adventures but also staying inside, and she’s hot and funny. WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE??
Kill Lucy Diamond. I’m sorry Lucy you’re delightful but I’m just not as attached to you as I am to the other two.